Family torn apart as mum forced to live at hospital for ill brave daughter

Living at hospital has become the new norm for a Derby family – but they are struggling to cope.

The family is facing unimaginable emotional and financial strain as their young daughter, Elsa, continues her brave battle with severe illness.

Elsa, who has been in and out of hospitals for over a year, has shown incredible strength and resilience in the face of numerous health challenges.

However, her ongoing treatment and recent transfer to a specialist unit in Leicester have left her family living apart, with no clear end in sight.

Elsa’s condition required more advanced care, leading to her move to Leicester Hospital for the specialized treatment she desperately needed.

While the move was essential for her health, it has come at a significant emotional cost for her family.

Also read: Intubated baby battles cancer weeks after hospital mocked mum’s concerns

Elsa’s mother Nelly Anderton-Pope has made the difficult decision to remain at the hospital to care for her daughter, leaving her husband and young son to cope without her during the week.

The situation has been tough for Elsa’s dad and brother, who can only visit her on weekends.

The emotional toll of the separation has weighed heavily on the family, with each member struggling to adjust to their new, fractured routine.

The financial burden of the situation has added to the family’s hardships.

With Elsa’s treatment being far from home, her dad and brother must stay in hotels during their visits, accumulating significant accommodation, food, and travel expenses.

Despite their best efforts to stay positive for Elsa, the growing financial strain is becoming overwhelming.

Elsa’s family continues to rely on their unwavering love and support for each other, but the challenges they face are immense.

The community has rallied around them, but the journey is far from easy, and the emotional and financial strain is taking its toll on all involved.

Mum living at hospital for daughter grateful for donations

Nelly Anderton-Pope, has publicly expressed her immense gratitude after receiving crucial support during a difficult time.

In an emotional statement, she said, “I don’t have the words. We never imagined that this would be us (I know it’s silly to say). This is relentless and unforgiving and so immensely challenging… and we never imagined needing the help of our friends so dearly.”

She described her friends as “our strongest scaffolding,” offering support in various ways, including caring for her child, and daily tasks, and helping them through their current struggle.

Nelly specifically thanked Bethany Reynolds, saying, “Thank you for doing what you knew we couldn’t… thank you for asking for help, for us.” She also expressed her deep humility, stating, “I am humbled by every single donation. I wish I had the right words.”

Her heartfelt message highlights the power of community and the importance of seeking help in tough times.

Bethany Reynolds’ statement in full about mum living at hospital for daughter

“As many of you know, our dear friend’s little girl, Elsa, has been in the hospital for over a year now, facing numerous health challenges with incredible bravery and strength. She has shown resilience beyond her years but the emotional and financial toll of this journey is becoming overwhelming for her and her family.

Update on Elsa’s health from Bethany Reynolds who is organising help 

A GoFundMe has been launched to help Elsa’s family. You can help them here. 

Mothers in hospitals – adding context to Elsa’s situation

When a child requires prolonged hospitalisation, many mothers make the difficult decision to live at the hospital to stay close to their child. This necessity stems from the desire to provide emotional support, monitor their child’s care, and respond quickly in emergencies.

However, living at a hospital for weeks or months comes with significant personal, emotional, and financial challenges.

Why do mothers live in hospitals?

Mothers often stay in hospitals to provide 24/7 care for their children. For critically ill children, having a parent close is comforting and can improve their well-being. Mothers also serve as advocates, ensuring treatments and decisions align with their child’s best interests.

Hospitals frequently lack the staff to provide continuous companionship, leaving parents to fill this gap. In cases involving complex conditions, mothers must learn to administer medications or manage devices to prepare for home care.

How many mothers live in hospitals in the UK?

In the UK, many mothers find themselves staying in hospitals to care for their sick children. This situation often arises when children require long-term treatment or specialized care, such as for cancer, chronic conditions, or post-surgical recovery. These stays are common and affect thousands of families annually. For instance, between 2020 and 2022, approximately 10% of children under five were admitted to hospitals annually for non-surgical treatments.

Mothers often take on the role of primary caregivers, staying bedside to provide emotional support and assist with daily care. This essential presence significantly benefits the child’s recovery but comes with emotional and financial strains. Statistics show that nearly half of families in these situations report significant financial stress, with many parents unable to work due to their caregiving responsibilities.

Parents in these circumstances face challenges such as balancing other family responsibilities, affording travel and accommodation costs, and managing mental health under prolonged stress. Studies emphasize the need for targeted support systems, highlighting how resource limitations can exacerbate the burdens on families.

For more detailed insights into maternal stays and family impacts, reports like MBRRACE-UK provide valuable information.

Challenges faced by mothers caring for their children

1. Emotional strain:

Living in a hospital takes a toll on mental health. Watching a child endure treatments or face uncertainty is deeply distressing. Many mothers report high levels of anxiety, depression, and sleep deprivation. The constant noise, medical emergencies, and lack of privacy exacerbate this stress.

2. Separation from family:

The need to remain close to the child often forces families to split. Fathers or other caregivers may stay at home to work and care for siblings, creating feelings of isolation. Marital strain is common, as partners struggle to balance roles and responsibilities.

3 . Financial burden:

Mothers living at hospitals face significant costs. While some hospitals provide family accommodations, others do not, forcing parents to pay for hotels, long commutes, or temporary housing. Daily expenses like parking, meals, and laundry also add up. Research by charities like Ronald McDonald House reveals families can spend thousands during a hospital stay.

4. Work-life disruptions:

Many mothers have to leave their jobs or take extended leaves to remain with their child, leading to income loss. This financial instability adds further pressure, especially for single mothers.

5. Health impact:

Poor nutrition and lack of exercise are common among mothers in hospitals, as their focus remains on their child’s care. Limited rest due to hospital conditions further harms their well-being.

Long-term effects of caring for ill children

The prolonged absence of one parent can disrupt family routines. Siblings often feel neglected, and parents may experience guilt about dividing their attention. Financial strains can persist long after the hospitalization ends, particularly if recovery requires ongoing care.

Charities and hospital programs play a critical role in easing these burdens, offering accommodation, counselling, and meal support. However, the emotional and financial challenges remain immense for mothers navigating this difficult journey.

The Financial Strain on Families Split Between Two Locations

When a mother stays at a hospital in Leicester with an ill child and the father remains in Derby caring for another child, the financial strain can be overwhelming. The separation forces families to maintain two households, often while navigating the costs of travel, food, and accommodation. Here’s a breakdown of the expenses such a family might face:

Travel Costs

The 25-mile journey between Derby and Leicester adds up quickly. If the father travels to visit the mother and child at the hospital:

By train: A round-trip ticket costs approximately £20–£30, depending on the time and service. Visiting three times a week could total £240–£360 per month.

By car: Fuel costs for the round trip are about £10–£15, adding up to £120–£180 monthly for three visits per week. Parking fees at hospitals often range from £8–£15 per day, adding another £100 or more monthly.

By bus: Although cheaper at around £15 for a return trip, the travel time is longer, and flexibility is limited.

Accommodation Costs

While some hospitals provide free or low-cost family accommodations, availability is limited. If the mother needs alternative housing:

Hotels: A budget hotel in Leicester can cost £50–£80 per night, amounting to £1,500–£2,400 per month.

Renting a room: A short-term rental may cost around £400–£600 monthly but could lack proximity to the hospital.

Food and Daily Expenses

Hospital cafeterias and takeaway options are more expensive than home cooking. For one parent eating on-site daily:

Meals: Average spending is £10–£15 daily, equaling £300–£450 per month.

Other necessities: Laundry, toiletries, and snacks can cost another £50–£100 monthly.

For the father and sibling at home, food costs may also rise due to limited time to cook or reliance on convenience foods, adding £200–£300 monthly.

Loss of Income

Both parents often face disruptions to their employment:

Mother: If she leaves work to provide full-time care, the family loses her salary entirely. A minimum-wage job earning £1,600 per month pre-tax would be gone.

Father: Balancing work and caring for the sibling might result in reduced hours or quitting altogether, leading to the loss of another £1,600–£2,000 per month.

Total Hypothetical Costs

A typical monthly breakdown:

•Travel: £240–£360

•Accommodation: £1,500–£2,400

•Food: £500–£750

•Miscellaneous (laundry, parking): £150–£250

This totals £2,390–£3,760 per month, excluding lost income. Without financial support, such costs are unsustainable for most families.

Emotional and Financial Impact

In addition to the immediate costs, the family faces long-term financial insecurity. Savings may be depleted, debts could accumulate, and the emotional strain of managing these expenses further complicates recovery. Charitable organizations like Ronald McDonald House Charities or local support groups can help alleviate some burdens, but they cannot replace lost wages or fully address the deep financial holes families fall into during these crises.

For many, such hardships underline the critical need for comprehensive family support services during prolonged hospital stays.

Where Parents Can Seek Support in Situations Like These

When parents face the daunting reality of managing a child’s prolonged hospital stay while balancing family, finances, and mental health, several resources are available to help them navigate these challenges.

Financial Assistance

1. Hospital Support Services

    

Many hospitals have financial assistance offices that can help families access grants, travel reimbursements, or discounted accommodation options. Speak with the hospital’s patient liaison or social worker for advice on available programs.

2. Charitable Organisations

Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC): Offers free or low-cost accommodation near hospitals, helping families save on housing and meal costs.

Family Fund: Provides financial aid to families raising disabled or seriously ill children for travel, essentials, or activities.

Turn2us: A UK charity offering grants and benefits advice to families in financial difficulty.

3. Government Benefits

Universal Credit: May cover childcare, housing, and living costs if one or both parents lose work.

Carer’s Allowance: If a parent spends 35+ hours weekly caring for a sick child, they may qualify for £76.75 per week.

Disability Living Allowance (DLA): Can help cover additional costs for children under 16 with illnesses.

4. Local Councils

Local authorities can provide emergency loans, food vouchers, or travel support. Contact the council directly or use websites like Gov.uk to find relevant programs.

Managing Finances During Crisis

1. Create a Budget

    

Outline essential expenses, including travel, food, and accommodation. Identify non-essential spending that can be paused temporarily.

2. Negotiate with Creditors

Reach out to banks, landlords, or utility companies to explain your situation. Many offer payment plans or temporary deferments.

3. Crowdfunding

Platforms like GoFundMe or JustGiving allow families to raise money directly from their community, friends, or strangers. Share your story honestly to garner support.

Mental Health Support

1. Counselling Services

    

NHS Talking Therapies: Free mental health services available to individuals struggling with anxiety, depression, or stress.

YoungMinds Parents Helpline: Offers guidance on supporting children while managing parental mental health.

Mind UK: Provides resources and support groups for managing stress or mental health conditions.

2. Parent Peer Groups

Many hospitals and charities run peer support groups where parents can share experiences, build connections, and find emotional solidarity. Check with the hospital for local listings.

3. Respite Care

Charities such as Together for Short Lives or Care for the Family can connect families to respite care, offering temporary relief for parents to recharge.

Marriage and Relationship Support

1. Couples Counselling

    

Stress can strain relationships. Seek support through services like Relate, which provides relationship counselling for couples experiencing hardships.

2. Maintaining Communication

Regular check-ins, whether in person or virtual, help maintain a sense of partnership. Setting aside a few minutes daily to talk about non-crisis topics can strengthen bonds.

3. Shared Responsibilities

Divide tasks, such as hospital visits or caring for other children, to ease the burden and ensure each partner has downtime.

Practical Tips for Coping

1. Plan Travel Efficiently

    

Look for discounted travel cards or season passes for regular journeys. Some organizations, such as Transport for London or National Rail, offer discounts for medical-related travel.

2. Accept Help

Friends and family often want to help but don’t know how. Be specific about needs—whether it’s babysitting, meals, or errands.

3. Stay Organised

Keep a journal or calendar to track appointments, finances, and support contacts. Use apps like Trello or Google Calendar for coordination.

Resources to Explore

Citizens Advice Bureau: For tailored advice on benefits, housing, and legal matters.

Family Action: Offers practical and emotional support for low-income families.

Scope UK: Assists families with disabled or chronically ill children.

By leveraging these resources and strategies, parents can alleviate some of the pressures associated with supporting a sick child while managing family life. The key is to reach out early and seek help before the strain becomes unmanageable.